Worn down.. worn out..

It never stops.. and we dont have a choice.. we are called parents... through thick and thin.. through happy times and sad times and through the never ending puke.. yes.. puke.. Poor Kenzie has done that more often than not in her short little life and no one can give us a reason why.. two days now and all she has done is throw up.. My carpets stink and she is so tired and cranky.. But no matter what.. we will take care of her..
I had to reschedule a couple appointments this week and that has sucked.. though they are rescheduled.. I got my perma tooth in today.. feels weird but i guess ill get used to it.. tomorrow i am supposed to have my counseling appt.. we will see if dan can get off since i cant take them to shelly's with her still throwing up.. and then we are supposed to go to the farmers market which should be fun. and then i have my appt with the surgon on friday.. hopefully ill get to go to that one too..
I am just so worn down though.. It never stops.. we keep going and going and when does everything we have end? I havent even eaten dinner cause i cant seem to find the time..(and a salt free meal)
When does it end.. when do i get just one day of peace? No im not talking about the kids screaming cause that is inevitible... im talking about circumstances.. without the puking.. without feeling my anxiety..without trying to be everything for everyone when its completly impossible.. espessially in my current emotional state.. I just cant keep going like this.. Im so tired.. I just cant make everyone happy.. One more day i guess..

Matthew's appt at the NW Asthma and Allergy Center

So Matthew and I left for Everett this morning at 730 and arrived there shortly after 9.. super early for his 1015 appt.. Though i did make one wrong turn and wished i had the tomtom which my sister has convienently confiscated.


We then sat there for about an hour waiting for our appt time.. We finally got to see the doctor and gave him Matthew's full history.. He decided that we needed to continue with the pulmacort, .25mg once every other day unless he is having another URI (upper respitory infection) then bump it up to .50 every day.. and albuterol.


So then they did a skin test to determine if there is any indoor allergens that could be affecting his quality of life.. They tested for dogs, cats and dust mites.
He tested negative for all of them.. however, the doctor suggested that we needed to decrease matthew's exposure to dogs.. We need to keep all the hair up, do not let the dog in any area that matthew's sleeps and all blankets and sheets need to be washed in hot water to get rid of any pet dander.. also if matthew is exposed to the dog, to change his clothes and give him a bath..
Why do this you ask? If he isnt allergic to dogs? Well i asked the same thing.. Why? The doctor said..because of his viral history and family history, there may be a lag in terms of the pet allergy that may appear later down the road, however, may not for many years.. and if we limit Matthew's exposure to the dog, it might keep him from being allergic to dogs in the future.. So we will make some changes in our home and in terms of Oscar.. and maybe get a couple hepa air filters for around the house..
So that is all for the Bubbie for now.. he is doing great otherwise and hope he continues to do so.. time to go make dinner.. bye bye for now!

Father and Son bond..

Dan got a new cover today.. with his name on the back and everything.. all new and pretty.. yadda yadda.. He came home for lunch and showed it to me and i decided to put it on Matthew's head.. so super cute..

I saw the name at the top.. and thought to myself.. he has an identity.. He is Dan Felock's son.. Matthew Felock.. the only male Felock to carry on the name.. and to wear that cover.. he is a little boy.. I havent thought about the bond the two are going to have... starting with putting on his hats and wanting to be like daddy.. wearing his shoes, acting like him.. talking like him..

Then there is playing sports.. and then maybe when he is older.. joining the navy.. just like his dad..

I have an image in my head right now.. of them walking away from me.. hand in hand.. going to go do some manly thing.. and maybe my little mamas boy.. wont be a mamas boy so much.. But i think that will be okay with me.. Dan is a loving perfect husband and dad and i think my little boy is so lucky to idolize him and to adore him and to strive to be like him..

Here is to my little boy growing up to be just like his daddy.. Cheers.

My Weekend.

So friday.. I sold the mustang.. bye bye POS car!!! Very excited and got 300 bucks out of the deal..so we went out to applebees friday night.. what a nightmare.. Also friday i got my prep instructions for the colonoscopy/endoscopy i had today.. Didnt seem like such a big deal until you read the things you are not supposed to eat.. Its like eating nothing but pasta... seriously...

Saturday we went out to the free kids day at the skagit county fair grounds.. what a great day.. beautiful sun.. the kids loved the animals.

Then we had church saturday night.. The kids nursery attendant had an allergic reaction to eggs from something she ate so i ran her home for her epi pen.. and then went back to church.. My choir director doesnt like the kids in service so i spent what would be my time at church to worship, in the nursery with my kids.. I felt like they were an inconvience and it really hurt to not be able to worship. But dont ask how i really feel about that.

Sunday, we went to church so Dan could sing at the service for the confirmation kids.. it was beautiful.. I have never heard him sing with such confience.. he really rocked that song.. "washed by the water"

Sunday is the day that i cant eat anything.. all liquid diet..didnt suck too terribly bad once i got the broth.. Then i had to drink a gallon of this stuff called golytele.. OMG.. it was terrible.. made me so sick to my stomach and had to drink an 8oz glass of it every 15 minutes... i almost died.I spent the evening in my room running back and forth to the bathroom..

Fell asleep around midnight and after midnight i could not have anything to drink or eat.. I stayed in bed til 10am.. took a shower and headed into the hospital for the procedure... Wasnt bad.. was in and out of there within a couple of hours. now my stomach is all gurgely and i dont feel much for eating but how can i not for not eating for over 24 hours..

Ive been so irritated cause i cant nurse matthew.. and he is taking well to the formula but its driving me nuts cause i want to be able to sooth him when he cries but i cant and now i have a clogged duct even though im pumping.. it hurts.. so there is my weekend..